My grandmother, my forever muse

In memory of my Love, my grandmother Jane Werito Yazzie
Photo: Venaya Yazzie
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 2020

She was my light in this dark world called 'earth.'

She was my life in this wicked-place called 'earth.'

She was my best friend in this spacial dimension they call 'earth.'

She was my maternal grandmother, she was my 'home.'

When my grandmother was in her mid-forties, she took me into her loving arms and loved me unconditionally. She raised me up as her own 'daughter' and she molded me into her shadow of Navajo woman, Dine' matriarch. I miss her.

As I grew into adult womanhood, I realized how Creator God meant it to be for the two of us humble humans. She saved me in my infancy and in her wise, mature age, her golden years, i saved her.  We fed off of each others love and admiration for life. I was her baby muse.  And she will forever be my matriarch muse.

I was born as a Hooghanlani' -Manyhogans clan female being. On that first day of my first breath I was the image of all my ancestral matriarchs before me, before time.  I was tiny ancestor, fully adorned in turquoise and white shell and all my grandmother's and great aunties sang for me; their prayers gave my spirit life and strength to walk upon this land, in this dimensional space.

My grandmothers departure from this time and space has left a hole in my life.  Since February 4, 2020 I have been wandering this path without her by my side, and truth is - my heart is broken, I am broken into tiny pieces of sandstone.

As a visual artist, poet and Indigenous educator I am conscious of how I must move forward without her by my side. I know it is what Creator God had planned for us.  My grandmother walked with me all my life, and her life and voice and laughter and tears and happiness was shared with me, her 'daughter'. 

She shared with her acquired knowledge of the female matriarch and the compassion that we as women are born with.

As a young girl, she 'adorned' my fingers, my wrists, my neck, my ears with the most Beautyful mineral on 'earth.' Turquoise.  As a child, she showed her overflow of love by gifts of turquoise rings and bracelets.  When I remember her now, I visualize her fully 'adorned' in her jewelry, her royal ways of being.

Shima', my mother and grandmother Jane Werito Yazzie is no longer physically with me here, but she is her with me in spirit.  In my sadness and longing for her Navajo tongue and enduring adoration I hear her and my soul is healed. Sometimes if feels as though my heart stops beating and stay still, just so I can hear her narrative among the ancestral land of my high desert people.  She is absent in body, but then she lives on with me.

My grandmother, my forever muse.

Blessings,

Venaya VJ Yazzie